by Camilla Quintana | May 13, 2021 | The Empowered Expat Woman Show
Listen on: iTunes │Spotify │Stitcher│YouTube
Let me ask you something: Have you noticed something strange in yourself and others upon moving abroad, especially in the first months? Or have you developed some kind of pattern throughout your multiple international moves?
Like weight fluctuation? An unconscious need to please others as you’re trying to make new friends and be met with smiley friendly faces? Or perhaps moving has had the opposite effect on you, and you developed a bit of a shell, a bit of a ‘You don’t need me? Well I don’t need you!’ kind of attitude. Another thing you may have noticed are certain patterns in your marriage or relationship.
Whatever it is, let’s start a conversation about it and let’s tackle these expat phenomena!
Awareness is the prerequisite for change
When you develop a profound understanding for yourself, your motives for doing things (or not) and your triggers, you’ll have a high level of control and power over your life. And as expat wives we often feel that we lack control and power – right?
In fact, we can get into the driver’s seat of our lives, and even though we may not choose where we’re headed geographically, we can definitely choose how we’re going to get there.
In this episode I’ll address the following
Expat Wife Phenomena
-
weight gain abroad
-
weight loss abroad
- people pleasing
- developing a tough shell around people
- relationship patterns that can arise as a result of moving
And I’d LOVE to know:
Have you gone through them to?
Or have you maybe noticed something else, some other kind of phenomenon as a result of relocating?
What are your thoughts on this?
Further Resources:
At the root of many of these expat wife phenomena is often a lack of feeling nurtured and supported. So if you, too, are in need of a little love, support and confidence on your expat journey, then download my free 10-minute nurture boost to change that!
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by Camilla Quintana | May 11, 2021 | Blog
Are you experiencing some Expat Fatigue these days?
You know the feeling, when you’ve lived in a place for a considerable time, the novelty has worn off and you feel like you’re in a rut, bored, lacking perspective and motivation, maybe even depressed.
Expat Fatigue can happen for myriad reasons, for instance because:
- your expectations of what life abroad would be like aren’t met
- you’re fed up with relocating so often and crave some stability and a fixed address
- you’re experiencing conflict with someone, for instance your spouse
- the local conditions, culture, people, cuisine, weather etc are starting to ‘get on your nerves’
Having phases of Expat Fatigue is completely normal when you live abroad. But you don’t have to stay stuck in this feeling.
Let me show you what you can do about it:
My 3 Step Plan to Overcome Expat Fatigue
Having worked with many women experiencing expat fatigue, I’ve come up with a 3-step plan that can help you deal with and overcome this condition:
STEP 1: CHANGE YOUR STATE
Have you ever wondered why – despite of all of the great advice, tools and hacks out there – people are still unable to make the changes necessary to create a fulfilled life?
It’s because your current state of mind doesn’t match the one necessary to adopt and implement these changes. Think about it: when you’re in a low state of mind, battling with fears, doubts, insecurities and the likes, it’s difficult to jump right to the part where you confidently, assertively and heroically solve the problem.
There are simply too many steps in between where your head and your feelings are at right now and where you want to be. And so this would require tremendous effort, which you probably don’t have the strength for when you’re experiencing expat fatigue and other unpleasant feelings. Therefore, changing your state is the pre-requisite to creating change.
Albert Einstein said “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” And the same goes for our feeling state. We cannot solve our problems as long as we’re feeling the same way that we did when we started experiencing this problem.
Some of my favorite ways to change my state are:
- Practicing Self-Compassion
getting into the regular habit of asking yourself what you’re feeling and accepting that; exploring what you would need right now to feel better, and trying to give that to yourself.
- Gratitude
There’s always something to be grateful for, even on the grimmest of days. Feeling grateful is one of the most powerful and sustainable mood boosters!
- Deep Breathing
A great way to calm your nervous system, effective immediately! There are countless breathing practices you can choose from.
- Dancing
to a song you love, (possibly from your youth?)
- Exercising or taking a walk in nature
and don’t forget those deep breaths!
- Having a really good laugh
Laughing is scientifically proven to send happy signals to your brain and it’s a powerful de-stressor. If you need a little help, watch a funny movie!
Prefer to listen? Then check out the two podcast episodes I recorded about Expat Fatigue – Part 1 & Part 2
STEP 2: EXPAT FATIGUE QUICK FIXES
Quick fixes are like the bandaid to a wound: they may not cure what’s caused the bleeding but they can still stop it and protect you, so I believe they’re valuable tools.
This could include:
- Adding some variety to your life
by playing tourist in your new city and challenging yourself to visit sights, discover new gems, meet new people etc; by exploring the surroundings; by trying different restaurants or cook ‘exotic’ recipes at home; or by changing up your routine a little. What can you do to add some excitement to each day!?
- Making your home feel like home:
Your home should be a place of refuge, calm and safety; if you don’t feel well there, it can seriously add to the feeling of expat fatigue and unhappiness abroad. Even some small touches like buying fresh flowers, putting up photos of family and loved ones or creating a ‘happy place corner’ for yourself can make a difference!
- Look for (good) company:
This is so important, even more so for expat women abroad. As humans, we need other people in our lives – who could you reach out to for some company? Look for positive, uplifting and inspiring interactions!
And now finally let’s move on to the last step, which is basically tackling the issue at its root:
STEP 3: CREATE A LONG-TERM VISION
If you’re experiencing expat fatigue; if you don’t know how to go on with your life abroad; if you question what the point of your life there is or what will become of you…
… this is likely because you are not clear of or have lost sight of your long-term vision.
When your life is filled and ignited with meaning and you’re clear of your life’s purpose – then everything you experience will be like one puzzle piece of a beautiful, colourful and unique picture!
And when this is the case, you’ll notice is that you will:
- experience more joy in your day to day life
- feel guided along your journey
- be able to overcome (even overlook) obstacles in the short term thanks to that long-term vision, that perspective
- know what decisions to take, what choices to make (the ones most aligned with your vision)
We’re often told that we should ‘live in the moment’, but I think we can only do that if we have a long-term vision of who we want to be, what we want to achieve in life, and what impact we want to make.
Otherwise it’s easy to end up feeling lost, empty and scattered; to stumble into things, places, jobs and relationships that aren’t actually what we’re really all about.
Expat Partners often think in terms of assignments
If you’re an expat partner, it can be tempting to think of your life in terms of assignments. 3 years here, 4 years there… but what happens when you move away, or you go back home? Will you have to start all over again from scratch? Or will you be able to say that whatever you did while abroad was done consciously and is another puzzle piece of the big picture you want to create?
So let me reiterate this point: if you are experiencing expat fatigue, if you’re feeling lost and lacking meaning and joy: you’re likely simply unclear of your life’s big picture. And many of the problems you encounter are actually just symptoms of missing your long-term vision and purpose.
To get you started on your life’s big vision, I invite you to reflect on the following questions (preferably in writing):
- When I look back at my life at old age, what do I want to have achieved?
- How would I like to be remembered when I’m gone?
- What activities fill me with joy, passion and pride for being able to do them so well?
- What will my life’s story be?
Would you like help with Elevating your Expat Experience?
Then you’ve come to the right place! This has been my obsession and mission and I have many years of experience helping expat women achieve just that:
They’ve started businesses and projects, found the right jobs, written books, built communities and added more meaning and purpose to their lives abroad!
Book a complimentary 45-minute consultation here:
trust in your future abroad
by Camilla Quintana | May 6, 2021 | The Empowered Expat Woman Show
Episode 32: Finding More Flow by Tapping into your Feminine Energy
This has been one of my favourite topics for the past year and so I needed to share it with you! Integrating more feminine energy into my life and business, has helped me to achieve more flow, more ease and joy – and less exhaustion!
Women stand a lot of pressure these days. We need to over-achieve; we hold ourselves to very high standards, and so does society. But many women have been feeling burned out, depleted, lonely and resentful. Especially in the past year.
A reason for that is that we’re operating on excessive masculine energy.
Masculine vs Feminine Energy
This is not a synonym for men and women. We all have both energies inside of us, men and women.
Ideally, we have some kind of balance of both energies, both in ourselves and also in the world BUT this is not the case. Our world, our system, politics, the workplace etc. is dominated by the masculine traits. This is an imbalance. It’s harmful to all of us, just as any imbalance is. It’s harmful to our planet which we’re in the process of exploiting and depleting. It’s harmful for our men who have been taught to reject and dismiss the feminine energy inside of them and are often completely overwhelmed with their emotions, and completely out of touch with them. And it’s particularily harmful for us women.
So what’s the difference:
The masculine energy is often referred to as the sun energy. It’s driven, goal oriented, focused, it’s assertive, competitive and logical. It takes action, it’s about giving, providing and doing.
The feminine energy on the other hand is the moon energy. It’s about receiving and about being. It’s nurturing, intuitive, emotional, with a more diffused awareness, creative, flowing, flexible…
The feminine energy is just as powerful as its counterpart. But in a different way, which we’ve unfortunately been conditioned to dismiss and discredit.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- why we are in desperate need to re-connect to our feminine (everyone and in all areas of life)
- how to tap into your inner wisdom
- how doing “less” can allow you to achieve more
- the power of cyclical living (in tune with your menstrual cycle or the moon phases)
- how to create more polarity and harmony in your romantic relationship
- and about the power of collaborating with each other, instead of competing
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Collect and download inspiring quotes for expat wives.
