Moving abroad is one of the biggest life transitions a person can experience. Accompanied by complex experiences – some good, some bad – the reality of being a “foreigner” remains, even for those of us who have lived elsewhere for a long time and have adapted well.
The complexity of the expat or immigrant experience is something that often goes unnoticed. Politics and society tend to focus on “how well a foreigner has adapted and integrated” into their new country. But who really cares about their story? Who takes an interest in what they’ve seen, what they’ve learned, and what they can teach others through their experience?
We each have a story to tell, and I want to tell mine. I want to feel seen for who I am, acknowledged for my journey that brought me here, and to make a valuable contribution – not defined by how well I’ve adapted, but by the unique influences and experiences that make me who I am.
How about you? Can you relate? Then these 5 questions I personally love being asked (and wish others would ask) will resonate with you!
1. “Where are you from?”
Contrary to many of my multicultural peers, I LOVE being asked where I’m from. To my mind, it’s a necessary question if you are truly interested in getting to know me. Even if my reply isn’t as straightforward as that of others, I have a story to tell, and I want to tell it. Not asking feels like not caring, and therefore, not taking an interest.
This simple question opens the door to sharing personal history and the journey that brought me here. It’s a conversation starter that shows genuine curiosity and interest in the other person.
2. “Would you like to join?”
It’s so important to be introduced, invited, and included when you start over somewhere without your familiar network. I know everyone is busy, and we can’t expect them to always make time, but when they do, it means the world! An invitation to join a social event, gathering, or simply a quick coffee a deux can make a foreigner feel welcomed and valued.
Loneliness is a universal human condition that we all know and fear; this simple gesture can alleviate feelings of isolation and foster a sense of belonging.
3. “It must have been hard to start over in a different country. What called your attention here, in comparison to your home country (or a previous destination)?”
I can’t tell you how often I’ve been asked, “So do you like it here?” This feels like a very rhetorical question. Obviously, I’m not going to answer “no,” but maybe my “yes” isn’t all that telling either. Makes me wonder if you really want to know? I’m guessing: no.
The above question, on the other hand, is a great way to make a foreigner feel more seen and acknowledged. It opens up a meaningful conversation about cultural differences and unique impressions.
4. “What is [xyz] like in your country of origin?”
This is like honey to my ears! Look: we’ve already left our home and everything familiar behind, at least let us talk about it and mentally revisit it from time to time!
I’ve heard people talk negatively about foreigners who ‘flaunt’ their distinctiveness. They’d say things like: “With her it’s all ‘in my country this, in my country that – it’s so annoying!'” or “I mean, we’re not in her country of origin…(meaning: can she just get it together and adapt to our ways?!)”
It’s interesting because they obviously considered me well-adapted enough to say these things in front of me about other foreigners, not realizing that their message could be offensive to me, too. Or who knows, maybe it they wanted me to get the memo: please don’t bore us with your stories about home.
I love finding out details about daily life, perspectives and particularities of other countries and cultures. It’s an opportunity to learn and see the world through a different coloured lens, while fostering mutual respect and understanding.
5. “How do you celebrate this holiday, and what tradition of yours could we incorporate?”
What a gesture of respect and consideration! Holidays are the times we miss our families and customs the most; but they’re also a great time to start “feeling more at home” in our new country. We can’t go home for all special occasions, so it’s extremely comforting to hold on to at least some of our traditions.
Asking a foreigner to share their customs or wanting to incorporate some of them into a celebration is a beautiful way to honor them and ease the nostalgia they might experience. It acknowledges the emotional significance of holidays and creates a space where they can express and celebrate their culture, too. This inclusive approach enriches everyone’s experience and strengthens communal bonds.
Asking these thoughtful questions can make a significant difference in the lives of foreigners. They foster a deeper understanding, build connections, and create a more inclusive and empathetic community. By showing genuine interest in their stories, challenges, and traditions, we can ensure that every foreigner feels seen, heard, and valued.
So next time you meet someone from a different background, remember that your curiosity and kindness can have a profound impact on their experience!
