Expat Struggles: “My Life Abroad Feels Empty And Boring”

Abroad, they can experience a series of impediments to finding work, including⠀

• a language barrier⠀
• visa restrictions⠀
• skills and diplomas not being transferable
• lack of a support system for the children⠀
• difficulty to combine a local office job with your international lifestyle and traveling (home)⠀
• often, the time to be spent in the host country is limited to a few years (after which you’ll move to another destination and start from scratch) ⠀

 

Finding Meaning & Purpose Abroad

If your life abroad feels empty and uninspiring, you need to make it a priority to engage in meaningful activities! 

I know that the first year in a new country tends to keep you busy with the move, paperwork, adaptating and settling in. For some expat women it seems to fly by, for others it’s a necessary ‘drag’ in order to come to terms with their new life at a new destination.

It’s often in the second year (and beyond) that unsettling thoughts start to surface: 

❓What can I do in order to not feel empty, bored abroad?
❓What could provide a sense of purpose and meaning to me? 
❓What could challenge me intellectually? 
❓How can I build something for myself that will stay with me, despite multiple relocations?

Look for a sense of meaning

When these questions aren’t easily answered, you can start feeling empty and bored abroad.

Back home you had a job or career and opportunities. Seeing what your friends and colleagues there are up to now gives you a sting. You might keep busy throughout the day, but don’t go to bed feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished. Days go by and might even be hectic… but what did you really do? 

Many of my expat wife clients also report not seeing eye to eye with their husbands (who have the high-powered job, the contract, the work permit, the income, the power…) The inequality can feel uncomfortable in a happy marriage, and unbearable in a strained one.

Finding meaning during your global lifestyle will look very different for each individual. There is no clear answer and solution and that’s the beauty of it. Remember: you’re a unique being on a unique path. There’s no one way to live a fulfilled life, but there is a way for you!

If you want to explore what’s missing, and how to make your life abroad more meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling I invite you to book a free consultation with me:

 

Mindsets That Perpetuate You Feeling Empty Abroad

You often feel an initial excitement and momentum to find work, friends and activities in our host country. But after encountering the first challenges, your motivation and optimism can plummet. Watch out for these common mindset pitfalls:

1st Mindset Pitfall: Settling for less⠀

This is especially relevant if you’ve been living abroad for a while and are all settled in… but the meaning puzzle piece is still missing. It’s so easy to “keep busy” and convince yourself that you wouldn’t have time to look for something else anyway. But the difference between being busy and being fulfilled is abysmal! It affects your psychological and emotional wellbeing (and can even affect your physical wellbeing).

2nd Mindset Pitfall: Feeling discouraged ⠀

Maybe you looked and searched for things that could provide you with a sense of meaning but nothing has come up. You applied for jobs you didn’t get, and that community you tried to join was boring. As expat women, it can seem like you always need to make an extra effort and when even that doesn’t work, it’s easy to feel discouraged!

The good news is that meaning & purpose are not hiding somewhere waiting for you to find them. You can create them for and by yourself! ⠀

How? By actively and consciously engaging in activities that provide you with a sense of

1. accomplishment
2. joy
3. making a difference
4. autonomy

Look out for people who inspire you and who’re doing what you’d like to be doing. Surround yourself with people who encourage you. Network both offline and online.

The online world offers a world of opportunities to expat women: to take courses and acquire new skills; start your own business abroad, a blog or a community; you can find location-independent work…

3rd Mindset Pitfall: Identity Crisis⠀

So many of my clients have previously worked in a career they cannot pursue in their host country (think: lawyer). If that’s your case, it may seem like you’re doomed and that everything you could do would be settling for less. But is it really? Maybe opening yourself up to new possibilities and endeavors could grant just as much meaning to you! Identity is a fluid concept and should never hold you back from evolving. Be open to reinventing yourself if it serves you!⠀

No matter your academic and professional background, I encourage you to reflect on the following questions and keep an open mind while you answer them:⠀

❓What do you really, really like doing, even if you haven’t done it for a while?⠀
❓What have you always wanted to do, but weren’t really able to do yet?⠀
❓What elements / tasks are at the core of your previous profession? Could you find those in another job, too?

 

Does Your “Identity” Keep You Stuck Feeling Empty Abroad?

Did you know that your Identity is merely a story you’re telling yourself? Yes, really! It could be a success story, a romantic one, a hopeful or a hopeless one. But it’s just a story, either way. ⠀

We all are wired to jump to conclusions like that and to turn our fears and insecurities into a whole plot line. By constantly worrying about who we are, who we’d like to be or who we are expected or perceived to be, we’re actually building a cage around ourselves that not only makes it hard to break free, but also to even see beyond the bars!⠀

I want you to know that there are infinite possibilities out there. Infinite reframes to your story. Infinite sudden turns of events, forces majeurs, pleasant or unpleasant surprises that could change your story in a single instant.⠀

So think about yours and ask these 4 questions:⠀

1) What are the stories you tell yourself about why you can’t pursue your dreams? About why you can’t improve an unsatisfying situation?⠀

2) Can you absolutely know that your story is the full truth? (If the answer is ‘yes’, please think again ?) ⠀

3) If fear and money weren’t an issue, what kind of work / activities would you pursue that would give you a sense of meaning and purpose?

4) What’s holding you back from acting on question number 3?

If you can’t motivate yourself…

All of the above practical questions should have left you feeling inspired and motivated to reflect on and define your goals and to take determined action towards achieving them!

But if you’re still feeling hopeless and find it hard to motivate yourself or to get out of that rut, I want to talk to you about Boreout:

Boreout is a disorder caused by chronic underwhelm that leads to a persistent lack of motivation and interest, to frustration, lethargy and in some cases even depression. I’ve encountered these symptoms in several of my expat wife clients.

Boreout symptoms are often dismissed as ‘first world problems’ – which makes it particularly hard for certain expat and diplomatic wives who already feel ‘privileged’ (and fear complaining would make them seem ungrateful) to open up about them. 

But feeling empty and underchallenged on a daily basis is deeply unsatisfying and can make you feel useless or worthless. It’s therefore important that you seek professional guidance.

Want to know more about how Boreout can affect expat partners? Read my blog post or my article in Global Living Magazine.

Do you relate to these symptoms (or know someone who does?) Then book a complimentary 45-minute consultation with me, in which you’ll be able to verbally process what you’re going though, get my loving attention and professional guidance.