Expat Woman Longing for More? How to Elevate your Expat Life

by | Jan 24, 2023 | Blog

Expat Woman abroad

The Expat Woman’s Struggles

Every woman living abroad may struggle with various aspects of her new life, from feelings of expat loneliness to launching a successful expat career in a foreign country. If you’re here, it’s likely that you have encountered challenges related to living abroad that you may not have previously considered. Expat career coaching can help you overcome these obstacles and thrive in your new home.

I consider myself lucky because as an Empowerment Coach for Expat Women I get to connect with and support wonderful souls from around the world.

This gives me insight into the struggles global women experience in their expat lives (*sigh of relief* you and I are not the only ones! 😉 )

One of the most common stories I hear from expat women like you is this: while they’ve achieved so much and have a pretty good life – something is missing. They feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied. They want more.

Sometimes, the expat women I speak to know exactly what they want to achieve or experience – but they’re not sure how to get there. Or they may feel guilty for wanting more.

Other times, they’re unsure of what’s missing. If that feeling has lingered for some time, they find it hard to muster up the confidence, motivation, and self-trust to start making changes.

Do you recognize yourself in these common struggles faced by women who move abroad?

That’s okay. And I’m here to help.

 

Start by acknowledging your efforts & sacrifices to move abroad

No doubt, moving abroad is exciting, adventurous, and inspiring – but it also implies having to make sacrifices, such as:

  • Leaving your native language and culture behind, having to learn and adapt to new ones as a foreigner in a new country
  • Taking a step back professionally and lacking a network to rebuild your career in a new country
  • Missing your family and childhood friends, while also seeking to belong in your host country
  • Raising your children with a reduced support system and in a cross-cultural context
  • Always making that extra effort, just to keep up

The truth is, living abroad can be quite overwhelming and complex.

But as expat women we’re so used to ‘functioning’, we don’t tend to give ourselves enough credit for everything we’re doing! (At this point, let me virtually pat your back, because you’re pretty courageous and outstanding!)

Falling Into The Comparison Trap As An Expat

They say comparison is the thief of joy and I’m sure you, too, have experienced how comparison can affect your self-esteem in a new culture just like I have.

On the one hand, you compare yourself to your friends back home. You see their steady lives, pursuing goals you’d always been taught were worth pursuing, continuing the life you could have lived had you not moved abroad…. Just that they’re actually living it!

But you also compare yourself to your new, local friends and are conscious of what’s expected from you in your host country as you try to navigate the cultural differences as an expat. If you try to live up to the local, cultural expectations, you are likely to fall short because your background and past have shaped your values, views and character differently.

The reason you’re so tempted to compare yourself to others is because of one fundamental error of thought:

You’ve forgotten how unique you are as a human-being and that other people’s solutions are never the answer to YOUR issues, anyway.

 

Leverage your uniqueness

Think about it: the fact that you are here on Earth is actually a miracle! I recently read an article that the probability of you being conceived is estimated to be about 1 in 400 quadrillion (wow!).

There has never been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Each and everyone of us has one clear purpose: to live life as the most authentic expression of ourselves.

And yet, we’re often unkind to ourselves by pushing ourselves to live up to standards that aren’t our own or putting other people on a pedestal instead of letting our own vision and standards guide us.

It’s time to remind yourself that you matter for who you are, not for what you’ve done so far or how well you fit in. Your unique gifts and quirks have their place here on Earth.

Your dreams and aspirations matter. And they’re here to guide you home, towards fulfilling your purpose of being that most authentic expression of yourself and loving every minute of it!

 

The 10x Rule to achieve your goals as a Global Woman

What would your life look like if you fully embraced your unique value and purpose?

You’d have much higher standards and aspirations for yourself!

I recently read the book “The 10X Rule” by Grant Cardone that talks about an interesting concept I have begun leveraging to achieve my goals

The 10X Rule suggests that:

1) Set goals for yourself that are 10X greater than what you currently have in mind

2) Take inspired action that is 10X more massive and impactful than what you think is necessary to achieve these goals.

I don’t know about you, but I was raised to be humble, not too bold, and never boastful. So these questions seemed pretty outrageous to me at first! And yet, I could literally feel the dopamine rush as my mind – finally free to go to these wild, 10x places – started envisioning everything I could do, desire and achieve if I didn’t hold myself back!

I invite you to give it a try:

  • Close your eyes, and think of your current list of goals and aspirations.
  • Now, turn up the volume and intensity of them by 10. Got it?
  • What do your new goals look like?
  • How does it feel to achieve them?

Now let’s take action to achieve your 10X goals!

  • What would it take to get to your goals? Think of a few action steps that could take you there…
  • Now, turn up the volume and intensity again by 10.
  • What action steps would you now dare to take?

Take out a notepad and write down your insights! Allow them to take shape and form over the next few days. ENJOY getting a glimpse into your 10X Expat life!

It’s safe for you to want more as an Expat Woman

expat women want more

As women, we have been conditioned for generations (10,000 years of patriarchy) to not stand out, know our place, and put others first.

Our female ancestors rarely had any choice but to obey these rules in order to be safe and secure.

Their collective experiences are passed on to the next generations through Epigenetics and can help to explain why modern, empowered women still struggle with the same issues like:

  • standing out
  • voicing their honest opinions
  • asking for more money / investments
  • putting themselves first r
  • deciding against traditional female tasks and traits

No matter what is holding you back from living a 10X expat life, the very first thing you must do to get there is to give yourself permission to want more.

Trust your intuition that tells you that there’s got to be more out there for you.

Pay attention to the times you feel a sting of admiration or envy, because it shows you what you, too, are craving.

And forgive yourself for any failed attempts, wasted opportunities and detours. After all, miracles (which we established you are) aren’t logical and predictable 😉 They often appear in the least expected ways and moments.

This is a process that you can simply initiate by:

  • becoming aware of it (mindfulness or meditative breaks of some sort can help you)
  • repeating the affirmation “It’s safe for me to want more”
  • granting yourself the audacity to day-dream about your 10X Expat life.

By doing so continuously you will calm your brain’s limbic system and establish trust in yourself – which is a prerequisite to moving forward.

 

Ask better questions to get better results

I know from my experience coaching Expat Women on these matters, that every high that’s achieved by daring to dream and play bigger, may be followed by a low.

This is especially true if you let too much time pass between impulse and action, giving your brain time to start doubting your decision or goal.

Don’t you worry though, this is a natural part of outgrowing your old self and stepping into the next best version of you.

It may feel like a step back, but remember: there’s no unknowing what you’ve come to know and no un-dreaming of what you’ve set your mind to. You’re on an upwards trend, and you can overcome the obstacles on your journey!

When you notice yourself falling into a lower state of mind, you may start asking questions that don’t actually serve you such as:

  • “Why can’t I achieve this?”
  • “Why does this always happen to me?”
  • “Why does this need to be so hard?”

Some better and more empowering questions to ask yourself would be:

  • “What 3 things can I do right now (or stop doing) that would help me achieve this?”
  • “How can I ensure that this doesn’t happen to me again?”
  • “What can I do to make this process more smooth and enjoyable”?

I invite you to get into the habit of asking yourself really good questions, because they will significantly improve your wellbeing, as well as your results!

What are some questions you often ask yourself that keep you stuck and make you feel worse?
How else could you phrase them to open yourself up to new resources and opportunities?

 

The importance of setting yourself up for success

All too often I see women – including myself – take on way too many projects, say ‘yes’ to too many things and pursue goals that don’t really light them up.

This tendency seems even more common in Expat Women, perhaps due to the comparison game mentioned earlier!

Whenever that happens, you may notice that you end up feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated, and drained – which clearly isn’t setting yourself up for success! And when you consequently don’t achieve these goals, you start doubting yourself.

It can turn into self doubt and unhelpful thoughts that maybe you weren’t capable enough, you weren’t smart enough, maybe you weren’t hard-working enough, or maybe there’s something wrong with you?

With that eroded trust in yourself and in your capabilities, you will likely find it more and more difficult to see projects through, or to even get started. And that’s such a waste of your potential!

The antidote to this self-doubt is simple: CULTIVATE SELF TRUST.

And luckily, this is something you can foster and nurture yourself, by:

  • Being more true to yourself – which includes choosing your goals more wisely and consciously
  • Learning how to intrinsically motivate yourself so that you can actually finish what you started
  • Keeping the promises you make to yourself, not letting yourself down
  • Treating yourself with kindness, respect, and love

All of this and more is something I work on intensely with my clients, with the help of empowering tools and spirit-lifting exercises.

Listen to these episodes of The Empowered Expat Woman Podcast for more tips on strengthening the trust you have in yourself:

the empowered expat woman

love affair abroad

 

 

 

 

 

 

One simple practice that I recommend you start right away is:

Gratitude for self-compassion as an expat

There’s a real magic to acknowledging and appreciating things in your life on a regular basis – and that magic is actually scientifically proven.

Positive Psychologists have found that by fostering positive emotions such as gratitude has sustainable and significant healing effects on the mind and body.

Dr. David Hawkins, who was a pioneer in consciousness research, was able to assign an energetic frequency to our emotions and Gratitude is among the highest calibrating ones.

When you feel deeply grateful, your personal energetic frequency is highly elevated. You can’t be grateful and grumpy at the same time, it doesn’t work (feel free to try!)

There will be days and times where gratitude comes easily. In that case, don’t forget to pause and dwell in that feeling for a little bit.

But sometimes, life may seem so grim that you have a hard time feeling thankful. Rest assured that it’s not about the magnitude of your gratitude, but about the authenticity of it. It’s okay to be thankful for “feeling a little better than yesterday” (even if you’re still feeling bad). Or simply for the sky, a beautiful cloud, a delicious meal.

Stepping outside your comfort zone – again!

Sometimes, we’ll get into a dull state of mind simply because we’ve grown too comfortable. Human beings have an innate need to experience novelty and a good  challenge, and being an expat is a great example of that!

Continuously stepping outside your comfort zone can not only meet that need, but is also a great way to foster trust in yourself, while at the same time taking you closer to your 10X life!

It doesn’t have to be via massive action, it could simply be by pushing yourself just one or two steps further. Kind of like when you’re at the gym and your legs hurt from doing squats? By doing just two more than you thought you could handle, your muscles will expand and you will gradually become stronger.

You will also develop a greater trust in your body to handle just a little more, because you’re proving it to yourself every time you hit the gym. Seeing the results will motivate you to continue.

The same holds true for your mind and what you believe yourself capable of achieving in life.

You may have heard of the 1% Rule  that states that just by increasing your efforts or the time spent in a given activity by 1%, we are able to create significant and sustainable changes in the long run. Plus, there’s a compound effect that will even accelerate that process naturally!

So let me ask you: On your way to your 10x life…. where can you commit to gradually stepping out of your comfort zone by just 1% to reach your goals? 

What would that look like, exactly?

Jot down a few 1% changes in your journal and choose one that you want to commit to today. Then, promise yourself you’ll follow through and don’t let yourself down, because remember:

The trust in yourself is your most powerful currency!

 

Taking Action: How can you create your best life abroad?

You’re in luck because this has been my obsession for years and it’s why I’ve created my signature “Success Clover” method.

It’s a revolutionary approach to goal-setting and goal-getting, because it focuses on:

  • Figuring out what a fulfilling life looks like to you personally – and embracing it!
    (instead of trying to live up to everyone else’s standards and losing yourself in the process)
  • Stepping into your most authentic, best self and setting goals from your point of view
    (no more dreaming and playing small)
  • Gaining clarity and confidence to take the right action steps towards your enticing goals
    (because it’s not about how hard you work but how effective you are!)
  • Becoming your own biggest ally on this journey
    (so that you can stay intrinsically motivated and overcome any challenges along the way)

… and all of it comes in a super supportive, loving and encouraging container

If you feel inspired to explore what your 10X life could look like, and how you could actually make it a reality, here’s what to do next: