Feeling stuck and without motivation moving forward is something many expat women experience.
So often, I hear women blame a lack of confidence when they procrastinate or don’t progress on a goal or project.
With some gentle guidance and thought-provoking questions through coaching, they realize confidence is the secondary issue. The real problem is lacking clarity on:
- What they want to do
- Why they want to do it
- How they can do it
Clarity leads to Confidence, and Confidence leads to Inspired Action.
If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll have heard me say this repeatedly.
Confidence and direction tend to be the natural consequence of having very clear answers to the above questions. And when you do, taking inspired action becomes almost inevitable.
What is getting in the way of your clarity?
Many global women I coach feel like they’ve lost sight of what truly fulfills them in life. They might say: “I have a good life… but something is missing. I’m just not 100% sure what it is and how to change that”.
If you feel that way, know you’re not the only one – and I got you:
There are several reasons why you may struggle to really pinpoint your goals and your unique vision, or your path to getting there especially as an expat woman:
1. The demands of daily life keep you distracted
And nowadays, there are so many! From work to parenting, housekeeping and organizing to non-stop pop-ups and alerts on your phone, wanting your immediate attention. For expat women, building a new life and career abroad can add to the load.
Don’t get me started on all those ‘little extra responsibilities’ (that take up way more time than expected), like being on your kids’ school board, collaborating with a local charity, throwing a welcome dinner for that new family in town, taking courses etc etc etc….
We tend to prioritize the seemingly urgent things over things that really matter in the long run. Can you relate?
2. You’re very tuned in to what others need and expect from you
This is a common challenge experienced by foreigners, as they try to navigate the different demands of their local and home culture and live between two worlds as an expat.
It’s also the story of every mom’s / caretaker’s life – quickly leading them to feel guilty when they dare to put themselves first.
Focusing outward makes it harder to connect within, with your ‘inner happy place’ (as I like to call it), your inner truth and guidance system. It will also add layers of coulds, shoulds and musts on top of what you really want in life.
3. Maybe you’re – like me – a multi-passionate person, with many different (seemingly unrelated) interests and experiences
If you’re feeling stuck, it might be because you’ve been led to believe that you don’t have a real ‘zone of genius’ when actually, you have different ones, waiting to be tapped into and connected in original ways! Multi-passionate people are amazingly adaptive, but having so many interests and skills can also be distracting.
4. The unique demands of being an expat wife / expat mom / expat woman
Some of the struggles of being an expat woman also cause lack of clarity when it comes to your own goals. Navigating different cultures, customs and lifestyles; communicating in a language that’s not your mother tongue; the challenges of building a network and friends in a new country or even simple homesickness and loneliness many expats experience, can all cloud your clarity and inspiration for moving your life forward.
So what can you do about this? Many years of experience working with expat women wanting to figure this out, as well as doing so myself, has provided a simple, yet life-changing answer:
Start with the end in mind
If you’re an expat woman feeling stuck, lost unclear, uninspired, unmotivated or a lack of joy in what you do….
… this is likely because you are not clear of or have lost sight of your long-term vision.
When your life is filled and ignited with meaning and you’re clear of your life’s purpose – then everything you experience will be like one puzzle piece of a beautiful, colorful and unique picture!
If you frequently move, especially as an expat partner, it can be tempting to think of your life in terms of assignments. 3 years here, 4 years there… but what happens when you relocate again, or you move back home? Will you have to start all over again from scratch?
Or will you be able to say that whatever you did while abroad was done consciously and is another puzzle piece of the big picture you’re creating?
Even if you move around frequently, remember that each experience should be a different chapter of the SAME book.
And when this is the case, you’ll notice that you will:
- experience more meaning & joy in your day to day life
- have a North Star to guide you along your journey
- be able to overcome (even overlook) obstacles in the short term thanks to the perspective of your long-term vision
- know what decisions to take and what choices to make (the ones most aligned with your vision)
For more tips, tools and guidance specifically designed for expat women, check out The Empowered Expat Woman Podcast on your favorite platform!
Listen on: iTunes │Spotify │Stitcher│Audible
How to craft your unique, long-term vision for your Expat Life
Step 1: Get to know yourself really, really well
Do you know what your most important values are that inform your every action, opinion and decision?
Or what your inner motivators are, that will make it easy for you to do whatever it takes – not because you have to but because you want to.
What are your preferred states of being? How do you want to show up and what do you want to transmit and embody?
In my Coaching practice, I show my clients how to develop their 5-step Purpose Manifesto, to explore and define all of the above and more.
Step 2: Reflect on the following questions
- When I look back at my life in old age, what do I want to have achieved?
- How would I like to be remembered when I’m gone?
- What makes me unique? What can I do really well or in my own special way?
- How will my life, my presence, and my accomplishments, make this world a better place?
I encourage you to write down the answers to these questions and to verbally process them with someone. Thoughts can be fleeting, but there’s so much power in writing them down or speaking them out.
Also, it will give you the chance to look back on your notes in the future and remember your previous insights. Though the essence of your big vision will most probably stay the same, you might alter and add to it. That’s okay, your vision is supposed to be alive, to grow with you and take on even more detailed forms.
The last question is particularly important and often overlooked.
In my experience with many expat women, we are more likely to meet (and fight for) goals that are ‘bigger than ourselves’. If you can clearly see how your goals will improve not only your own quality of life, but also that of your loved ones, your community, humanity as a whole… you have a powerful motivator and driving force to draw energy and resources from!
Furthermore, you can more easily overcome any self-doubt that may otherwise hold you back – after all, this isn’t just about YOU but about the positive ripple effect you want to create!
When you know which way you’re headed, you will figure everything else out.
As I like to say: A woman with a vision is a woman on a mission and SHE is unstoppable!
Break your vision down into achievable goals
Having a vision will give you a sense of meaning, purpose and direction. But if you don’t act on it, you won’t be able to bring this beautiful vision to life.
What you need now is clarity about what steps you need to take.
There are different ways to do that, which I talk about in more detail in my blog post about Inspired Action. But for now, I want to invite you to think about your 3 year plan. The reason is that
- This will allow you to dream bigger than you would if the timeframe was e.g. 1 year (leading to bigger and better ideas!)
- Things can take more time than flashy adverts may promise. 3 years gives you time to really grow into the new reality you are creating in a profound and sustainable way.
- As expat women, we know that ‘stuff’ can come between us and our goals – think relocations; the aggravating limbo of not knowing whether you’ll move or when; having to adapt to a new country (and help your kids to do the same); dealing with pregnancy/maternity in a foreign country etc.
What’s important to know is that we can achieve big goals in spite of such life-changing events! And a 3 year plan will create enough space to experience them, without burning us out in the process.
Where would you love to be in 3 years time? What will your life look like? What will be different about you as you’ve accomplished certain goals?
What to do if you get stuck in the process
Some women can quickly craft their long-term vision and may just need some support and guidance to follow through.
But maybe, the above reflections bring up a few question marks for you. If that’s the case let me tell you this: not knowing and accepting that is a GREAT starting point!
Because when we don’t know we’re more open, curious and inquisitive. And whenever we are, our brain will actively search for responses and opportunities.
Let me share some things that you can do if you find yourself in a place of not knowing or simply not being 100% sure of what you do know.
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Frequently check in with yourself and ask yourself: How do I feel about this? What do I think about this?
You’d be surprised about how many things you do on autopilot out of a disconnect with yourself. It’s those times you say yes when you mean no. It’s those times when you eat something you don’t really crave. Those times you say something because you think it’s what you’re supposed to say but you don’t really mean it and the list goes on.
Clearly, this will have an effect on your clarity about your likes, dislikes, values and plans for the future. That’s why it’s so important to learn to listen to yourself again, to your intuition and inner wisdom. You’ll achieve this by giving yourself more attention and consideration.
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Reflect on the current or past activities that fill you with excitement, joy, pride and energy
These are really good indicators of what you’re meant to be doing more of.
What do they have in common? It may not be about the activity per se, but about a certain element about it, a feeling you get, or the way in which you’re doing it.
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Make yourself a priority
We have so many shoulds and musts and cant’s in our lives, obligations, responsibilities and to-do lists. But creating and going after your long-term vision requires making YOU a priority. It will require you to take good care of yourself, your mind, body and soul. To set healthy boundaries and protect your energy. And when you do, I firmly believe that it will not only be to your own benefit, but also to everyone you love!
As an expat mom, I know very well that there are times when making ourselves a priority isn’t possible. But you can do the next best thing:
- Acknowledge and honor what you feel (e.g. exhaustion) and what it is you would need in this very moment.
- Make a mental note and intend to give this to yourself after dealing with the current crisis.
- Start an inner dialogue about what you could do to make the things that drain you a little better. Could you make this task a little simpler or more effective? Could you delegate some things? Skip them from time to time? Say no next time?
You won’t be able to always make yourself a priority, but making a conscious effort to do so whenever possible goes a long way!
When in doubt, trust your inner knowing
In our quest for clarity, it can be difficult to differentiate between what feels right because of conditioning (by society, culture, peers etc), versus what your inner knowing tells you to be true for you.
The antidote to this confusion is to pay attention to the feeling behind it.
There are things that I subconsciously believe I should do. But when I vividly imagine myself doing them, I may feel ‘euphoric with tension’ (“It’s gotta be this way! I need to achieve this!”).
Other times I notice that the thought of it doesn’t actually feel very good. It might even provoke some anxiety or stress.
When there is a deep inner knowing about something, I can notice a steady feeling of calm. There usually aren’t any big emotions. It’s more like a smile and nod from within, encouraging me to do that thing.
Peace of mind and an ambience of calm can help you tap into this feeling of inner knowing. Try meditating on it, taking a walk in nature, practicing Yoga or any activity that decelerates your life and allows you to hear your thoughts.
When in doubt, look for that calm inner knowing.
Take Action: How can you get clarity on creating your best life abroad?
Have you been feeling stuck as an expat woman? You’re in luck because solving this problem has been my obsession for years and it’s why I’ve created my signature “Success Clover” method.
It’s a revolutionary approach to upleveling your crossborder life, because it focuses on
- Figuring out what a fulfilling life looks like to you personally – and embracing it!
(instead of trying to live up to everyone else’s standards and losing yourself in the process) - Stepping into your most authentic, best self and setting goals from her point of view
(no more dreaming and playing small) - Gaining clarity and confidence to take the right action steps towards your goals
(because it’s not about how hard you work but how effective you are!) - Becoming your own biggest ally on this journey
(so that you can stay intrinsically motivated and overcome any challenges along the way)
… and all of it comes in a super supportive, loving and encouraging container!
If you feel inspired to explore how getting crystal clear on what it is you want and why it could completely change the course of your life, here’s what to do next:
- Schedule a complimentary, 45-minute Clarity Call with me
to verbally process what you’re going through, receive valuable inputs from an experienced Coach and guidance on your next steps - Download the free guide “20 Confidence Killers You Need To Stop Doing In Order To Thrive Abroad”
