As expat women, our unique situation can feel like we are pulled in many different directions with competing priorities. Whether it’s the demands of raising children in a foreign country, establishing a business or career abroad or even juggling the emotional rollercoaster of living abroad, we can get stuck in loops of procrastination or even over-productivity. Remote work overseas can feel overwhelming, especially for expat woman juggling a challenging career and a multicultural family.
In today’s society, we are led to believe that the more we do, the more productive we are our value and worth lie in our productivity. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Hustle culture has given rise to overwhelm, chronic stress and burnout.
It’s particularly harmful to women (more on that later), and takes a toll on our physical, mental and hormonal wellbeing, as well as our relationships.
What’s the point in achieving your goals when it makes you feel unhappy and stressed in return?
The amount of time and effort you put into a certain task also doesn’t necessarily determine the quality.
Nor does time and effort mean you’re doing the right things that will actually get you to your goals. (Trust me, I also know a thing or two about “procrasti-working” – the act of staying busy, doing a bunch of things, just not the ones that will yield results!)
That’s why this post and focus of my work is not just called: Action but
Inspired Action
Inspired Action is when you are deeply connected to yourself, fully aligned with your purpose or vision, and taking the most effective steps to meet your goals.
If you focus on taking inspired action in all areas of your life, you will feel:
- Intrinsically motivated
- Joyful throughout the process
- Fulfilled upon achieving what you set your mind to
What is something you really want to make happen in your expat life?
I invite you to close your eyes for a moment to visualize it vividly or go through the 10X exercise to help you visualize what your new life could look like.
Keep this goal in mind to apply everything you read in this article to this vision of your future life.
Are you prepared for the journey?
Whenever you seek to improve the quality of your life and the results you get, you need to be prepared to make some sacrifices. There will be times in which you’ll get uncomfortable and need to face your fears. You’ve already done this once by moving abroad, but it can be different when it is your own goals.
Are you willing to do face your fears? If your answer is YES!, this will differentiate you from the majority of people already.
If you’re hesitant, it can help to remind yourself WHY you want to accomplish something, why your goal matters, to you and others. When there’s a why there’s a way, so keep this thought present.
You’re not just doing this for yourself, but also for others who will benefit from you reaching your goal!
Getting uncomfortable is something many people are afraid of. This can be especially tricky for non-working expat wives and expat partners, who may feel torn between wanting more of a challenge, and not wanting to risk losing their comfortable, flexible lifestyle.
However, if the desire for more purpose and meaning is strong, my answer is clear: Do whatever it takes to add a greater sense of accomplishment and significance to your life. This is a long-term investment in your life-satisfaction and there’s a scientific reason behind it.
The Self Worth Theory
The Self-Worth Theory stresses that: It’s an innate human need to be seen as capable, competent and able by ourselves and by others.
Your own sense of worth is a direct result of your perceived ability to achieve certain things and your performance. But when there’s nothing for you to achieve, nothing that challenges you and that makes you feel proud of what you’ve done or gets you praise for by others, your sense of worth can begin to crumble. And this will affect your wellbeing, your relationships and sense of significance.
Therefore, having a comfortable life does not equal a fulfilled life. The latter involves having meaning, purpose and accomplishments.
If you’re still worried that this will lead to a loss of ‘quality of life’, remember this: it’s not about working harder and longer but about taking inspired action. A self-love and empowerment coach can help you work through these challenges and help you find purpose, meaning, and fulfillment in your life. Working harder can drain and exhaust you, but Inspired Action will lift your spirits and give you even more energy than you thought you had available!
The cycle of creation to achieve your expat goals
It may come as a surprise to you that inspired action can take on different and unexpected forms that are all an essential part of the cycle of creation.
It’s important to note that constant activity doesn’t equal effectiveness, nor does seemingly unproductive times equal ineffectiveness.
Rather, there are 4 different phases that make up inspired action:
- Impulse: commit to chasing sparks and impulses! This could be a new idea or vision. The excitement about it releases Dopamine in your brain and will make you want you to act on it.
- Motion: taking action to bring your idea or vision to life.
- Correction: evaluating your results, analyzing your actions and re-defining your goal even more precisely goes a long way and will make you truly masterful.
- Pause: don’t be fooled, our brain is always working – even when we’re resting or sleeping. Taking breaks to replenish is not only vital to process and anchor everything we’ve done and learned, but also to come up with new impulses!
Leveraging the power of our feminine nature as expat women
One of the key differences between men and women are our hormonal cycles, also known as biorhythms.
Men have a 24h sleep-wake cycle – perfectly in sync with the standard work day we know today (which were, of course, created by and for men).
The female biorhythm is more complex: 28(ish) days divided into 4 different phases during which we present completely different physiological and hormonal traits.
Understanding our biorhythms allows us as empowered women to work with, rather than against, our cycles and leverage the power they provide us.
These are the 4 cycles and how to leverage them:
- During the Follicular Phase (between menstruation and ovulation), our serotonin and endorphin levels are on the rise, boosting our mood and motivation. We enjoy enhanced cognitive performance – so it’s a great time for MOTION.
- Ovulation brings a peak in estrogen and other neurochemicals. It’s likely you’ll feel ‘at your best’ during this relatively short window of time, great for socializing, networking, pitching and presenting!
- In the Luteal Phase, progesterone (the pregnancy hormone) peaks, but so does Gaba – which is in charge of calming the central nervous system, and improving focus and memory. This is a great time to analyze, learn and adapt – as required in the CORRECTION phase.
- Finally, during Menstruation, our metabolism slows down. We have enhanced cognitive empathy and intuition, and so it’s a great time to PAUSE, turn inward, self-care, and make room for our next IMPULSE.
Keep the wheel turning to reach your goals
I hope to have shed a new light on what inspired action means, and that it doesn’t have to do with Hustle Culture.
In order to get the most out of the cycle of inspired action, it’s important to keep the wheel turning. But sometimes, we’re at risk of remaining stuck in one phase of the cycle:
For instance, when you pause for too long, you’ll lose momentum. This will make it harder for you to take action, which will consequently invite self-doubt.
If you keep looking for impulses, for new ideas, day-dreaming of everything you’d like to do, you can easily fall into overwhelm and stay stuck.
What’s more, your brain can become used – yes, even addicted – to the Dopamine kicks it experiences every time you have a new idea. But this will be deeply unsatisfying. You need to start taking action steps to release that creative tension and feel a sense of meaning and accomplishment.
On the other hand, remaining in work mode for too long can reduce the quality of your work and impulses, as well as lead to stress and burnout.
Finally, staying stuck in correction mode (or preparation mode) can look like perfectionism, analysis paralysis or over-educating yourself, in theory. It can reinforce the feeling of “not being ready”, when “readiness” is actually a result of practice.
Whenever you feel stuck in one of the cycles, it’s likely that you are lacking clarity onwhat to do next. This can be resolved by:
Breaking down your big goals into chunks
One thing I do with my expat coaching clients is create actionable steps so that they can easily move forward with their project and be accountable.
Below I’ll share 4 different approaches with you. Depending on my client’s personality, lifestyle and circumstances, we may opt for one or another. Which one do you see yourself adopting?
1. Daily baby-steps
In his book “Atomic Habits”, James Clear talks about the 1% rule. In essence, it’s about making small but sustainable changes over a prolonged period of time.
He demonstrates that by improving 1% only each day, you will see a 31,18% improvement after one year. That’s pretty amazing, right!?
Making 1% changes might not sound or feel super exciting at first. But don’t be fooled: you’re building a habit that will stay with you, plus, you’ll reap the benefits of the compound effect (=Choices + Behavior + Habits + Time).
This is a great approach to improving the quality of your life or a certain area of it for anyone; particularly, if you got a lot on your plate and already feel overwhelmed as it is, I recommend you to adopt the 1% rule!
2. Your big heart project
This is a more intuitive approach, where you get to ride a wave of excitement, motivation and momentum towards a BIG goal you whole-heartedly set for yourself!
If the idea and the purpose behind it is enticing enough, you will find ways to work towards this without needing too much of structure and planning.
What you’re looking for are states of Flow (more on that later), where you’re highly inspired, immersed and productive. This is the kind of project that will make you want to get up earlier in the morning, dedicate every single minute to it, and try again and again, even when something doesn’t work out. You probably can’t stop thinking and talking about it, even when you’re doing something else.
Your heart project is a specific thing done in a specific timeframe. For instance, writing a book or creating a campaign.
Because of its intense nature, it’s not supposed to become a lifestyle – which could lead to exhaustion or obsession. Remember that the cycle of inspired action also calls for times of rest.
The state of mind I get into when I pursue a big heart project is my favorite, and I wish this experience on everyone! Still, it’s a temporary approach and best combined with one of the others.
3. The 3 year plan
This concept has been a game-changer for me and many other women I’ve worked with. In today’s world, we think everything needs to be done right away – or yesterday! – but this expectation only sets us up for failure and sucks out all of the joy of creation.
I say: New Year’s Resolutions are overrated. There is something so incredibly luxurious, liberating and inspiring about creating a 3 year plan for yourself!
Here’s why:
- It will make you think BIGGER (remember the 10x Rule (link)?) and thus allow you to set BETTER goals for yourself
- It will take the pressure off of you and reinforce what you already know to be true: the journey is the destination – more than the final results. First of all, because a goal is reached gradually and consists of different milestones; and second of all: what’s the point in going after it when you don’t enjoy the process!?
- It creates space: for detours and corrections; relocations; babies being born; and so forth. This is particularly valuable for Expat Women.
What’s important, though, is to not lose sight of where you’re headed. This can be done by:
4. Setting Weekly / Monthly Goals
This approach is great for the most organized and consistent among us, as well as in combination with the above approaches. Depending on how much structure you thrive under, you can map out
- Specific tasks, done on specific days each week
- An overall vision of what you’d like to accomplish each month
- Or anything in between
Whichever approach or combination you choose, what’s important is to work smarter, not harder. This can be achieved by tapping into:
Leveraging Flow To Meet Your Expat Life Goals
Flow is a state of mind in which you are so focused and immersed in an activity, that time seems to stand still.
The experience of flow brings heightened awareness, effectiveness, creativity and joy – good news for busy (expat) moms and everyone who thought success was about the amount of time invested.
If you learn to make room for and incorporate more Flow states into your life, you won’t only achieve more in less time, but also deliver much higher-quality work!
I’ve been trained in Flow-achievement, so let me give you a few important pointers you need to know in a nutshell:
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Sleep
We tend to think sleep is unproductive, and in the most hectic times we even reduce the hours of sleep.
Actually: it’s the most productive and regenerative thing you can do for your mind and body. It will make you feel and function better, be in a much better mood, work better, and think better.
There are hundreds of studies that prove what fatal consequences chronic sleep deprivation has: it increases your risk of depression, diabetes, obesity, dementia, accidents, and high blood pressure. It’s also said to reduce your lifespan by 3 years!
A good night’s sleep is fundamental to being at your best and entering states of Flow.
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Reduce Cognitive Load
Did you know that every time you set out to do something, but don’t – for whatever reason – you leave an open loop in your brain?
Because even when you’re not actively thinking about it, your subconscious mind retains these things for you, and basically marks them as ‘unfinished business’. It’s like an open tab you forgot about that takes up energy and space.
To enter a state of Flow you need to reduce stress – even the one you’re not aware of. So give your brain a breather: write down any dates and to-dos you want to remember. Do little things right away so you can tick them off your list. And get real about what you’re not going to do. It’s better to be honest with yourself and abort or officially postpone a plan than to have it lingering in the back of your mind.
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Simplify
In order to reach a state of heightened focus and awareness, you need to quiet the “background noise”. Setting routines, schedules, meal plans etc can help you simplify your life, so that you don’t waste all your time and capacity making decisions.
That way, you get to spend more time dedicated to the things that matter the most! -
Boundaries
One mistake lots of women make and that stands between them and Flow is saying yes to and taking on too many things. I’m guilty of that, too!
As women we often pride ourselves on being able to multitask (a stereotype that society reinforces). This may be great for some things, but when it comes to Flow, immersion and high-quality work, multi-taskers have a big disadvantage.
If you’re having trouble in this department, read my Blog Post about Clarity and make sure you know your values, standards and priorities so that you can more easily decide on what to say yes and no to!
Surround yourself with the right people
Last but not least, let’s not forget to leverage the positive influence others can have on us! It’s time to build your new expat network deliberately and consciously.
Whatever your vision in life, look for people who share or can relate to it. Ideally, they’re on the same journey or a few steps ahead! This way, you can support and inspire each other.
What’s equally important is to distance yourself from people who are critical, judgemental or envious about what you set out to achieve. This will happen, because seeing YOU get better, happier, more fulfilled and successful, will trigger those who are not. Misery needs company, and so they might try to pull you down – putting doubts in your head or making you feel like you don’t have what it takes, or guilty for wanting more.
Such people are called energy vampires. And surrounding yourself with them and listening to them will NOT make you happy.
So look for your tribe of people who actually want to see you thrive and shine!
I want you to SHINE!
If you’d like to be inside a truly inspiring, supportive and loving container that will make it easy for you to continuously take inspired action, I would love to invite you to schedule a complimentary Clarity Session with me here!
Let’s explore what a fulfilled life would look like for you and how to get there.
One thing I already know for certain: That fulfilled life will look SO good on you! And you deserve it.
Taking Action: How can you create your best life abroad?
You’re in luck because this has been my obsession for years and it’s why I’ve created my signature “Success Clover” method.
It’s a revolutionary approach to goal-setting and goal-getting, because it focuses on:
- Figuring out what a fulfilling life looks like to you personally – and embracing it!
(instead of trying to live up to everyone else’s standards and losing yourself in the process) - Stepping into your most authentic, best self and setting goals from your point of view
(no more dreaming and playing small) - Gaining clarity and confidence to take the right action steps towards your enticing goals
(because it’s not about how hard you work but how effective you are!) - Becoming your own biggest ally on this journey
(so that you can stay intrinsically motivated and overcome any challenges along the way)
… and all of it comes in a super supportive, loving and encouraging container
If you feel inspired to explore what your 10X life could look like, and how you could actually make it a reality, here’s what to do next:
- Schedule a complimentary, 45-minute Clarity Call with me
to verbally process what you’re going through, receive valuable inputs from an experienced Coach and guidance on your next steps - Download the free guide “20 Confidence Killers You Need To Stop Doing In Order To Thrive Abroad”
