8 MUST-DO THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABROAD:

In the midst of the busyness of moving to a different country, it’s easy to get carried away by the seemingly most urgent demands. As a consequence, you might wake up one day feeling lonely, disconnected, frustrated and bored with your new life.

The 8 simple and yet crucial steps I outline below will help you to make the most out of your relocation experience and to set yourself up for success for your life abroad!

1. Get out there!

Make sure you become an expert on your new city and surroundings and keep an open mind while doing so. Get to know the different areas and districts, the sights, restaurants and so forth.

I personally love taking long walks through different neighbourhoods and just observing… how do the locals act, dress and talk? What do they like to do and where do they like to go? If you can get a local to show you around and give you insider tips – even better! And if you don’t have anyone available, a good travel guide or blog and facebook groups of your new city can give you great insight. I’m sure you’ll find some hidden gems and treasures!

But also, look for potential substitutes for the places you frequented back home. Coffee houses, parks and playgrounds, gyms, art galleries, movie theaters, supermarkets offering international products… or simply a neighborhood with a special vibe that you relate to. Once you’ve really gotten to know your city, you won’t run out of places to go and will feel much more secure and versatile.

2. Learn the language

If you’re lucky, you already speak the local language (or one of them). But if you don’t, making an effort to learning it will not go unrewarded!

Being able to understand the signs around you, to buy and order things and to participate in conversations is priceless. It also makes connecting to locals so much easier – plus, when you go to your next destination you’ll have another skill to add to your CV or list of  accomplishments!

Of course there are some very intimidating languages out there and you might feel that you’ll never be able to speak it well, let alone fluently. Still, language is the gateway to culture: Have you ever noticed how differently words and expressions are used and phrased, depending on the language and culture? Those are valuable clues and will help you to better grasp the people and life in your new home. 

3. Connect with both, locals and expats

Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, human beings innately long for connection and so building a network of contacts is a crucial step. Make an effort to introduce yourself and have a short conversation with colleagues, neighbors, parents at the playground or at school or other people you see regularly. 

Often, one of your friends will know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone that happens to live in your new country. Definitely reach out to them and see if you can connect or meet new people through them. Befriending locals will grant you a unique insight into their culture and lifestyle, making it easier to adapt and accept the way of doing things around there. Making local friends has always been a priority for me and I can only recommend that strategy!

Finally, look for an expat community – contact your embassy, a cultural institute, language course, international schools etc. It’s nice to be able to connect to people of a similar background, to reminisce and vent from time to time. Most importantly, to lend support – they’re in the same position as you and so intensive and gratifying friendships can emerge.

Both, local and expat friends and acquaintances will provide value to your life abroad, so once you’ve found them, treasure them!

4. Nurture your friendships back home

Now that you’ve connected with people in your new home, I’d like to emphasize on the importance of staying in touch with your friends and family back home (or in previous destinations). It has never been easier to do that with such a multitude of call, video and messaging service at our disposal.

Hearing/seeing loved and familiar voices/faces can give you an incredible boost of positive energy at times when you’re feeling a little low or lonely. It’s also a way to remain close to your loved ones, reminding them that you’re there for them even though you might be far away. Good friends are like stars, they say; you can’t always see them but you know they’re there.

I encourage you to be proactive! Schedule “dates” with your friends in advance – life can get very busy for all of us, so it’s best not to leave it up to chance.

5. Strengthen the bond to your spouse

Whether you moved with or to your partner… chances are you’ve made some sacrifices and probably find yourself in the more vulnerable situation. 

It’s easy to feel like your partner’s responsible for it and raise your expectations in him to become a “substitute” for your family, friends and work back home (or at a previous destination). As human and understandable as that is, it would be impossible for your significant other to live up to that expectation.

My coaching tip? When you find yourself in this kind of emotional situation in your relationship, it’s often better to focus on making the things that already work well in your relationship BETTER, instead of focusing on (and thus intensifying) the conflicts. There certainly are activities you love to do together: Dinners a deux, trips and excursions, a shared hobby…  I encourage you to do more of them in this phase! Have more fun doing them or do them in a more special way.

Sometimes all it takes is to strengthen the bond in order to release the knots. 

6. Take time to engage in a meaningful activity for yourself

Moving abroad keeps you busy in all kinds of ways. You’ve probably had to organize and supervise a million things, learn about the new way of life and requirements on site, making sure you and your family settle in and are off to a good start in your new country. Maybe you are already working and are absorbed by the daily tasks…

It’s easy to get carried away by these thing and to focus on everything and everyone else but yourself. That’s why finding something that gives you a sense of purpose and joy is so important! 

You might consider taking a course, learning to play an instrument, doing charity work, joining a book club or starting your own business… any activity that you look forward to, that means something to you and that puts you in a state of “flow”, allowing you to forget everything else for a little while, will do the trick!

7. Become your own best friend

This is always important, but especially when you’re creating a life away from your home and loved ones! Here are my 3 steps to becoming your own best friend:

i. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF PROFOUNDLY

Do you know what exactly triggers you to feel angry or sad? Do you know why? Why else? Do you know what you really want and crave from the bottom of your heart? What things, people and activities are good for you and which ones are not? Are you filling your days with things and people that don’t actually make you feel good or that aren’t aligned with your true purpose? What would be a better way to spend your time? 

These are some important questions to figure out. If we don’t truly know ourselves, we can never live up to our full potential!
A good life coach can tremendously help you to get clear on all of these – and many more – questions, thus increasing the quality of your life significantly.

ii. BE KIND TO YOURSELF *

Moving abroad is a serious life change and may confront you with all kinds of different emotions and thoughts. It’s a time to be particularly kind to yourself.

Take time to notice how you talk to yourself inside your head. What words do you chose? How do you react when you mess up? Do you forgive yourself for your mistakes or weaknesses? If not, please stop right here and choose again. You are a unique human-being, you are here on purpose and with a purpose. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend: with love, compassion and kindness. 

*My transformational coaching program “The Inner Happy Place Roadmap” is heavily dedicated to learning strategies to become your own best friend, releasing limiting beliefs about yourself and to eliminate negative patterns and habits. Failing to truly love and accept ourselves its the greatest epidemic of our time and must be tackled. You can book your free first session here.

iii. SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS (because you deserve the best!)

Once you figured out what’s good for you and what’s not, what you’re really after in life and what is distracting you from getting there…. create a surrounding in which you can truly thrive: choose activities and people that make you feel GOOD! People who take a real interest in you, value you for who you are & inspire you to be better! Learn how to create boundaries and say “thanks, but no thanks” to the ones that bring you down. Choose your daily activities wisely so that they may help you achieve your true goals in life and not distract you from going after them.

8. Be open to reinventing yourself

Over the years you’ve probably created a very strong sense of identity: certain personality traits, your profession, style, the places you go to and people you hang out with….

When you’re taken out of that context and find yourself in a completely new environment, this identity might start to crack or crumble: maybe you worked as a lawyer back home but are unable to practice law in the new country you’re in. Maybe you were the funny one in your group of friends – but without that close-knit group you feel shy and insecure at social gatherings. Maybe you were the articulate, opinionated leader in discussions and now, due to the language barrier, find yourself reasoning in the simplest terms.

Identity is a very fluid concept and in our essence, we are so much more than just an image portrayed to and perceived by the outside. I believe that we get to define and to re-define our identity if we choose to along our journey – without ever having to sacrifice our authentic inner selves!

I hope these tips will help you too to flourish abroad!

Do you have any more tips for expats trying to make the best of their life abroad? We’d love for you to share them in the comments below!