My (not-so) Secret Formula to Happiness – Wherever You’re Based

Have you noticed how these days, people always want to convince you that they have the secret formula to your heart’s desires? Be it losing weight, finding love, earning more money or settling in abroad. Headlines like “Do these 5 things and you’ll ___” or “How to get ___ in 10 days” surely catch our attention.

Now, while I might be guilty of playing around with such catchy titles as well (and of buying into such promises myself, purchasing all kinds of things that sometimes worked and oftentimes didn’t) it’s a phenomenon that’s made me wonder:

Is there a secret shortcut to happiness?

And what does it say about us that we’d rather spend our time looking for the “miracle cure” out there, than to roll up our sleeves and start doing the things that will ultimately get us the desired results (such as: eating less, working out more, spending more wisely, creating passive income channels etc)?

Could it be that we’re just distracting ourselves, acting busy, because it’s too painful to admit how badly we want certain things, and how scared we are of not getting them – simply because we have no clue how to go about it?

The answer is that producing long-lasting changes and improvements in your life requires work. First and foremost internal mindset work.  Albert Einstein said: “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind(set) that created it” and this also applies to improving your current situation and quality of life.

You can’t find outside what’s not within

Friends Couch

One thing I’ve always wanted really bad is to feel like I “belonged”. To be part of a close-knit group, kind of like having a seat reserved on the FRIENDS couch. I’m truly blessed with a number of incredible friendships, many of them cultivated since childhood and many others acquired along my journey.

But moving around so much made it harder to maintain that feeling of belonging to a group and a place. As a matter of fact, that sense of safety was shattered and replaced by the exciting tickle of novelty every time I started from scratch in a new environment.

For a long time I looked outside to feel safe, seen and integrated. Until I realized that if I wasn’t able to produce those feelings inside of me and for myself, no-one and nothing else could make me feel them either.

Are you living in a House of Cards?

If your emotional wellbeing depends solely on outside factors, you’re living in a house of cards. This leaves you in a very weak and unstable position – even more so when you’re in the adventurous process of building a new life abroad: a fight with your husband, the bitchy attitude of a waiter, an old friend not keeping in touch or a new friend ditching the date you were so looking forward to, are enough to seriously disturb you.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel safe and seen by the people we like and love, as long as our inner foundation is solid. The difference is that in the examples above, outside factors control our inner peace; we’re looking outward to feel worthy and complete. But what we need to do is to meet eye to eye with others from a place of being whole and complete already.

Only then, our interactions with others won’t be transactions (“If you give me this I’ll give you that”; or: “I’ll be happy and nice as long as you……”). Only then, our interactions won’t be motivated by the need to feel approved of and affirmed. They will be pure, gratifying and enjoyable for both parties. And if they aren’t, they won’t cause you so much pain anymore; you’ll be able to shake them off, bless them and let them go.

The “Inner Happy Place” Mindset

In my work with expat wives and women who moved abroad longterm for love, I refer to this concept as creating your inner happy place: it’s building that solid foundation within ourselves, that inner peace, contentment and wholeness, on which we can build everything else on – our family, our friendships, career and so forth. Not because we need them to complete us but because we truly want them to complement our lives.

If our emotional container is flawed, anything added there by others or outside factors (love, joy, compliments, new opportunities etc) will seep through. It’s like wanting flowers to grow on infertile ground. That ground is our mindset, and we’re responsible for it. Only when we take care of our inner garden, seeds can sprout and flowers blossom.

And only when we’ve found our inner happy place we’ll feel at home, safe and loved within ourselves. That’s the perfect foundation for building our lives on.

My Secret Formula to Happiness

Unfortunately I don’t have a shortcut to happiness to sell you, but I do believe to have the secret formula! It’s one that has worked for me personally and for many other women I’ve worked with. I’m confident that it will work for you, too. It does require a sincere effort and total commitment to growth, stepping out of your comfort zone and the willingness to transcend to the next level!

At the core of my approach lies your inner happy place. This is the state of mind we’re ultimately after, this is what I want to enable you to develop and then carry with you forever, wherever you go. This will not only make your world so much brighter, but also light up the people around you.

“But how do I get to that place?”, you might wonder. I’ll help you get there by building and strengthening 4 essential pillars in your life:

4 Pillars for a Fulfilled Life – wherever you are

1. Radical Self-Love and Acceptance

Do you know who you are away from all of the noise? Away from the shoulds and musts? Do you know what you truly desire and aspire in life? Do you understand why certain things and people trigger you, and others don’t?

Becoming self-aware is key to living a prosperous and joyful life. If you lack self-love and acceptance, it will negatively affect all other areas in your life. But self-love can be trained and fostered. It’s never to late to start a deep friendship, yes even a love affair with yourself 😉

2. Resilience and Resourcefulness

These two traits are essential for life mastery. Life consists of ups and downs, we all face different challenges from time to time. But by training yourself to become more resilient in times of despair and more creative and resourceful when trying to find solutions, you will quickly reap the benefits!

Things you used to consider stop signs will merely seem like road bumps along your journey. (Click here to read about a mind hack your can start practicing right now and that will make you more resourceful)

3. Relationship and Family Life

As human beings we long to feel connected. We need love like the air we breathe – it’s no surprise that having loving relationships is directly linked to our health, longevity and overall wellbeing. But at the same time, our intimate relationships can cause us so much pain and bring out the worst in us…

That’s why my approach to creating a beautiful relationship and family life focuses heavily on increasing your consciousness, resourcefulness and self-awareness, as the solid basis for marital/family bliss.

4. Meaning and Purpose

I’m convinced that we’re all here on Earth for a unique purpose, with a unique mission. Figuring this out and taking the steps to live according to your deepest values and goals is crucial for a fulfilled life. It’s like the engine that will drive each and every action of yours, and the compass that will gear them into the right direction. 
When starting a new life abroad, engaging in meaningful activities is especially important.


In the coming weeks I will write about each of these 4 Pillars in more detail, stay tuned 🙂

Meanwhile if you’re interested in diving deeper into this topic, doing 4 Pillar Work with me and in discovering your Inner Happy Place, click here: 

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