Feeling homesick is often a faithful companion of expat life… There are so many things you treasure that you’ve left behind, in your home country or a previous destination. The food, traditions, weather, being able to speak in your native tongue, healthcare, public services and, of course, your loved ones.
I feel you. And so let me outline 8 STEPS to overcome homesickness. (To make this a little more fun, the 8 points spell out homesick so that you can easily remember them!)
Home Sweet Home
Do you like coming ‘home’ to your current address? Just because you may not live there forever does not mean you can’t and shouldn’t invest in making the place cozy and welcoming.
Even if you’re renting a furnished house, you can still move stuff around and arrange it differently, placing some additional, personal touches here and there.
You might even want to research and apply Feng Shui techniques for an optimal energy flow.
Make sure there is at least one feel-good-spot that you feel drawn to. A place where you enjoy sitting down with your favorite beverage, where you feel inspired to work, or from where you call up your loved ones.
Personally, I’m a huge fan of having fresh flowers around the house – that makes me feel very much “at home”.
Once you’ve cozied up the place, the mood and energy of your physical home, you will feel so much better and peaceful there emotionally. (Oh, and your whole family will appreciate it, too!)
Optimism
I know it’s hard to see the glass half full when it’s so clearly half empty, right!? And yet, Optimism and constructive thinking are muscles you can train and strengthen. This is important for everyone, but particularly for Expat Women.
Have a look at my article on the Counter-Thought Excercise (click here), a powerful mind training that will help you grow more resourceful and constructive.
While it’s totally normal for expat women to feel homesick, we don’t want this feeling to take control over you. There’s a reason you moved abroad and there’s a higher purpose in you living there. What could that be for you?
Monotony Be Gone
Monotony is a killer of joy and creativity and therefore has to be eliminated! If you don’t find your current daily routine inspiring, it’s time to think about how to change that:
What’s missing in the way you spend your days? And how can you add more of that?
Which of the things you do day in day out are simply not working for you, draining your energy?
How could you make your daily tasks and chores more exciting?
I dare you to come up with 100 answers to the above questions 😉 Way to elevate your expat life!
Engage
… in meaningful activities, that grant you a feeling of purpose, significance and accomplishment. It’s not enough to just be occupied – whether that’s at a job you’re over-qualified for, or going from Zumba to Pilates and back.
You need to feel like you’re making a difference in some way, that what you do is meaningful and feel good about your achievements at the end of the week.
If you lack that, you run the risk of developing Boreout, a disorder caused by chronic mental underload that leads to a persistent lack of motivation and interest, to frustration, lethargy and in some cases even depression.
Few things beat the power of friendships, of connecting to people, or having a heart to heart talk with someone you care about…
When you move abroad you have to be open-minded when meeting new people. Don’t be too selective or hold them to the standards of friends in a previous country. If you give others the benefit of the doubt and a chance and get to know them, you might be surprised!
Have you already researched all the places worth seeing in your new area? Where could you spend next Sunday and where could you be taking your next trip to? What restaurant might you go to for your next date night? What activities could you sign your kids up for?
There’s so much to research and investigate in a new country – you can even combine this task with socializing, by asking locals and expats for their advice. A great way to break the ice… 😉
Of course, you could also spend this investigation time researching business ideas, courses and so forth. Expat life brings new adventures and opportunities into your orbit – don’t miss them!
Coaching
If you’re struggling with your life abroad, a professional coach can be of tremendous help to you.
In contrast to a good friend, a coach will listen to you profoundly, with no agenda other than to understand what you are going through and what you need to feel better, providing you with the tools, strategies and skills to get you there.
While there are commonalities, every person and every situation is unique so there is no one fit solution for everyone – what matters is to find yours!
A coach will be by your side and guide you towards your goals and hold you accountable on your way to getting there.
Last but not least, make sure to stay in regular contact with folks back home! Schedule your dates with them and choose video and audio over messages, if possible. Even if they can’t fully relate to your new life, tell them about it, and make sure you take interest in their lives (even if they themselves consider them “ordinary” in comparison to yours). Insist and ask questions, you want to be among the people they can count on to share their problems, even though you’re far away.
Maintaining your connections back home will provide you with a sense of belonging and roots, which can keep you grounded in difficult and lonely times abroad.
However: You also want to be present in your host country, so don’t close yourself off to new friendships, even though they may take some time to blossom.
I sincerely hope these tips will help you to feel better when homesickness strikes!
Just remember: Home Sweet Home Optimism Monotony Be Gone Engage Socialize Investigate Coaching Keep in Touch
What do you do feel better? Drop me a comment below and let me know!
In the midst of the busyness of moving to a different country, it’s easy to get carried away by the seemingly most urgent demands. As a consequence, you might wake up one day feeling lonely, disconnected, frustrated and bored with your new life.
The 8 simple and yet crucial steps I outline below will help you to make the most out of your relocation experience and to set yourself up for success for your life abroad!
1. Get out there!
Make sure you become an expert on your new city and surroundings and keep an open mind while doing so. Get to know the different areas and districts, the sights, restaurants and so forth.
I personally love taking long walks through different neighbourhoods and just observing… how do the locals act, dress and talk? What do they like to do and where do they like to go? If you can get a local to show you around and give you insider tips – even better! And if you don’t have anyone available, a good travel guide or blog and facebook groups of your new city can give you great insight. I’m sure you’ll find some hidden gems and treasures!
But also, look for potential substitutes for the places you frequented back home. Coffee houses, parks and playgrounds, gyms, art galleries, movie theaters, supermarkets offering international products… or simply a neighborhood with a special vibe that you relate to. Once you’ve really gotten to know your city, you won’t run out of places to go and will feel much more secure and versatile.
2. Learn the language
If you’re lucky, you already speak the local language (or one of them). But if you don’t, making an effort to learning it will not go unrewarded!
Being able to understand the signs around you, to buy and order things and to participate in conversations is priceless. It also makes connecting to locals so much easier – plus, when you go to your next destination you’ll have another skill to add to your CV or list of accomplishments!
Of course there are some very intimidating languages out there and you might feel that you’ll never be able to speak it well, let alone fluently. Still, language is the gateway to culture: Have you ever noticed how differently words and expressions are used and phrased, depending on the language and culture? Those are valuable clues and will help you to better grasp the people and life in your new home.
3. Connect with both, locals and expats
Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, human beings innately long for connection and so building a network of contacts is a crucial step. Make an effort to introduce yourself and have a short conversation with colleagues, neighbors, parents at the playground or at school or other people you see regularly.
Often, one of your friends will know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone that happens to live in your new country. Definitely reach out to them and see if you can connect or meet new people through them. Befriending locals will grant you a unique insight into their culture and lifestyle, making it easier to adapt and accept the way of doing things around there. Making local friends has always been a priority for me and I can only recommend that strategy!
Finally, look for an expat community – contact your embassy, a cultural institute, language course, international schools etc. It’s nice to be able to connect to people of a similar background, to reminisce and vent from time to time. Most importantly, to lend support – they’re in the same position as you and so intensive and gratifying friendships can emerge.
Both, local and expat friends and acquaintances will provide value to your life abroad, so once you’ve found them, treasure them!
4. Nurture your friendships back home
Now that you’ve connected with people in your new home, I’d like to emphasize on the importance of staying in touch with your friends and family back home (or in previous destinations). It has never been easier to do that with such a multitude of call, video and messaging service at our disposal.
Hearing/seeing loved and familiar voices/faces can give you an incredible boost of positive energy at times when you’re feeling a little low or lonely. It’s also a way to remain close to your loved ones, reminding them that you’re there for them even though you might be far away. Good friends are like stars, they say; you can’t always see them but you know they’re there.
I encourage you to be proactive! Schedule “dates” with your friends in advance – life can get very busy for all of us, so it’s best not to leave it up to chance.
5. Strengthen the bond to your spouse
Whether you moved with or to your partner… chances are you’ve made some sacrifices and probably find yourself in the more vulnerable situation.
It’s easy to feel like your partner’s responsible for it and raise your expectations in him to become a “substitute” for your family, friends and work back home (or at a previous destination). As human and understandable as that is, it would be impossible for your significant other to live up to that expectation.
My coaching tip? When you find yourself in this kind of emotional situation in your relationship, it’s often better to focus on making the things that already work well in your relationship BETTER, instead of focusing on (and thus intensifying) the conflicts. There certainly are activities you love to do together: Dinners a deux, trips and excursions, a shared hobby… I encourage you to do more of them in this phase! Have more fun doing them or do them in a more special way.
Sometimes all it takes is to strengthen the bond in order to release the knots.
6. Take time to engage in a meaningful activity for yourself
Moving abroad keeps you busy in all kinds of ways. You’ve probably had to organize and supervise a million things, learn about the new way of life and requirements on site, making sure you and your family settle in and are off to a good start in your new country. Maybe you are already working and are absorbed by the daily tasks…
It’s easy to get carried away by these thing and to focus on everything and everyone else but yourself. That’s why finding something that gives you a sense of purpose and joy is so important!
You might consider taking a course, learning to play an instrument, doing charity work, joining a book club or starting your own business… any activity that you look forward to, that means something to you and that puts you in a state of “flow”, allowing you to forget everything else for a little while, will do the trick!
7. Become your own best friend
This is always important, but especially when you’re creating a life away from your home and loved ones! Here are my 3 steps to becoming your own best friend:
i. GET TO KNOW YOURSELF PROFOUNDLY
Do you know what exactly triggers you to feel angry or sad? Do you know why? Why else? Do you know what you really want and crave from the bottom of your heart? What things, people and activities are good for you and which ones are not? Are you filling your days with things and people that don’t actually make you feel good or that aren’t aligned with your true purpose? What would be a better way to spend your time?
These are some important questions to figure out. If we don’t truly know ourselves, we can never live up to our full potential! A good life coach can tremendously help you to get clear on all of these – and many more – questions, thus increasing the quality of your life significantly.
ii. BE KIND TO YOURSELF *
Moving abroad is a serious life change and may confront you with all kinds of different emotions and thoughts. It’s a time to be particularly kind to yourself.
Take time to notice how you talk to yourself inside your head. What words do you chose? How do you react when you mess up? Do you forgive yourself for your mistakes or weaknesses? If not, please stop right here and choose again. You are a unique human-being, you are here on purpose and with a purpose. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend: with love, compassion and kindness.
*My transformational coaching program “The Inner Happy Place Roadmap” is heavily dedicated to learning strategies to become your own best friend, releasing limiting beliefs about yourself and to eliminate negative patterns and habits. Failing to truly love and accept ourselves its the greatest epidemic of our time and must be tackled. You can book your free first session here.
iii. SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS (because you deserve the best!)
Once you figured out what’s good for you and what’s not, what you’re really after in life and what is distracting you from getting there…. create a surrounding in which you can truly thrive: choose activities and people that make you feel GOOD! People who take a real interest in you, value you for who you are & inspire you to be better! Learn how to create boundaries and say “thanks, but no thanks” to the ones that bring you down. Choose your daily activities wisely so that they may help you achieve your true goals in life and not distract you from going after them.
8. Be open to reinventing yourself
Over the years you’ve probably created a very strong sense of identity: certain personality traits, your profession, style, the places you go to and people you hang out with….
When you’re taken out of that context and find yourself in a completely new environment, this identity might start to crack or crumble: maybe you worked as a lawyer back home but are unable to practice law in the new country you’re in. Maybe you were the funny one in your group of friends – but without that close-knit group you feel shy and insecure at social gatherings. Maybe you were the articulate, opinionated leader in discussions and now, due to the language barrier, find yourself reasoning in the simplest terms.
Identity is a very fluid concept and in our essence, we are so much more than just an image portrayed to and perceived by the outside. I believe that we get to define and to re-define our identity if we choose to along our journey – without ever having to sacrifice our authentic inner selves!
I hope these tips will help you too to flourish abroad!
Do you have any more tips for expats trying to make the best of their life abroad? We’d love for you to share them in the comments below!
Words are powerful – and the mind is listening (Marisa Peer)
There is a saying in Spanish that goes: “las palabras se las lleva el viento” (words are carried away by the wind). But the truth is that the words we choose have an immense power over our mind, our body and our emotions. In this blog post I’ll explain how what we are saying and thinking to ourselves can have a hypnotic effect on our subconscious and shape our inner and outer perception.
But don’t be alarmed – with the 3 power tools I’m sharing below you’ll be able to get control over your thoughts and emotions and even change your (previously labled: hopeless) circumstances!
“Words are thoughts. Without them we can’t think” (Dangerous Minds movie)
Words are indeed thoughts, as in: words we say to ourselves quietly. If you’ve had any experience with meditation and mindfulness practices, you’ll know that our mind is constantly thinking (talking) about any- and everything. It’s like a record played nonstop and over and over again to which we listen, oftentimes without even noticing it… hey, does that remind you of anything? It does, doesn’t it, of nothing less but hypnosis!
Hypnotherapist are known to give their patients tapes to listen to over and over again, with words that are supposed to infiltrate into their subconsciousness and help them overcome an addiction, achieve weight loss, free them of fears and phobias… you name it!
Words repeated to yourself often will indeed cling to your subconscious mind and continue to act below the surface. That’s why it’s incredibly important to analyze what stories we continuously feed ourselves and whether it’s doing us harm or empowering us!
Thoughts become things
So what kind of things you saying to yourself?
Every word you choose has a meaning attached to it that may be rooted in cultural or societal beliefs, or in your own experiences and history.
The meanings you attach to words lead to your EMOTIONS. We often think that we “can’t help the way we feel”, but in fact, emotions are always reactions (that occur within a millisecond) to something we say to ourselves, as neuro-scientific studies prove.
Furthermore, words can induce a biochemical reaction in our bodies. When you say things like “I’m so sad” or “This makes me feel depressed”, your shoulders are likely to slug, your breath becomes shallow, you might lose your appetite… Saying that you’re disappointed (and consequently feeling that way) might result in a pain in the stomach, a lump in your throat and so forth.
Whatever physical manifestations you experience, make no mistake, it was a word or story that set this reaction into motion!
Change your thoughts, change your life (Tony Robbins)
So if repeated words are the root cause of our emotions and can work like a hypnosis tape on our subconsciousness… we absolutely cannot afford to speak them carelessly! I encourage you to become aware of them and write down the most common thoughts and stories you tell yourself. Awareness is the first step to change and the more conscious your grow, the more carefully you will choose the words you speak.
With the help of the 3 Power Tools below, you will be able to make profound and lasting changes in your life:
POWER TOOL 1: Pimp your vocabulary!
It’s estimated that we use only a fraction of the vocabulary available to us in any language. Studies show that people tend to experience up to a dozen emotions on a regular basis. When contrasted with the broad array of emotions there are, you’ll come to find that what you’re feeling is most probably a simplification: let’s say for instance that you find yourself feeling “angry” on a regular basis. Is it possible that half of the time you’re feeling something else instead, for instance annoyed? Bewildered? Embarrassed? Misunderstood? Overloaded? Peeved? Uneasy? Vulnerable?
To get your juices flowing I’d like to share a few links with you with extensive lists of emotions (in English, auf Deutsch y en español) for you to go through.
If you can become more assertive in your choice of words, you’ll find that you’ll be feeling different emotions and in different intensities; your body will modify its biochemical reactions accordingly, too.
POWER TOOL 2: Word-Upgrade Challenge
For one week, I’d like to encourage you to purposely exchange some of the negative words (and emotions) you’re saying (feeling) to less intensive ones. At the same time, upgrade your positive words and emotions!
Instead of saying things like “this is a catastrophe” or “this sucks” you might say “This is quite a challenge” or “this is annoying”. Or instead of saying “I’m fine” or “the movie was good”, why not dare to say “I’m feeling fantastic” or “the movie was breathtaking!”
Note how, thanks to this little vocabulary hack, your emotions and physical reactions that follow are completely different in the before and after?
As always, my advice is to:
start this challenge with minor things like in the examples above (you’re not gonna be laid off your work and tell yourself how it’s “a little annoying”! This exercise is not meant to make you stupid, but to make you more assertive and resourceful by correcting the simplifications and ambiguity we all experience when expressing ourselves).
You don’t have to force yourself to believe it just yet. No need to start arguing with yourself (à la: “This is a bit of a challenge… No, this is a freaking mess!!! … I mean, it’s an annoying situation…. Although it really, truly sucks!!” ) Just keep an open mind and substitute new (better) thoughts for the old ones, without questioning it. After some time you will start doing this automatically and grow incredibly more resourceful, resilient and in control of yourself. If you want to better understand why this works and how, check out my blog post about Neuroplasticity.
POWER TOOL 3: Change your negative commands to positive ones
Have you ever noticed how our brain cannot process negative commands? For instance, if you tell yourself “Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look”….. what will you most probably do? Look! Whenever we make a negative command to ourselves, we are actually intensifying and attracting that very thing we do NOT want. I’m sure you’ve experienced such monologues many times before: “I can’t eat another piece of cake, I cannot! It’s just so delicious, maybe if I have a teeny tiny one…” or “Don’t cry now… don’t cry… don’t you (sob, sob, sob…)”
By making positive statements, you’ll be able to take control over your mind. Instead of “Don’t look” you might say, “I want to see something pleasant” (and your brain will go look for more pleasant things to see). Instead of saying “I can’t have that cake” say “I really want to feel healthy and good in my body.” And your brain’s solution might be to have a large glass of water and if you’re still hungry, to eat an apple.
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world (T. Harv Eker)
By applying these three power tools to your life, you will notice how through changing your personal narrative and thus provoking different emotions, your perception and therefore your circumstances will change.
You’ll strongly benefit from increased assertiveness in your choice of words: a catastrophe really isn’t the same as a challenge, an obstacle or an unpleasant incident! And there is no need to put your mind and body, which are connected, through the incredible stress of “facing a catastrophe” – which our brain equals to an attack of a sabre-toothed tiger (as in, the kinda “catastrophes” our ancestors faced…)
The new year is a great time to implement positive changes into your life, and if you give these hacks an honest shot you will reap the rewards!
As always, drop me a comment to let me know how this is working out for you!
@ Copyright Camilla Quintana – The Empowered Expat Woman 2024. All rights reserved.
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